Blog Post

LGBTQ Youth Mental Health and Parental Support

June 19, 2019

There are a multitude of resources you can consult, including the American Psychological Association (APA), the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), but the conclusions are the same – LGBTQ youth are experiencing mental health struggles at triple or more the rate of their heterosexual cisgender peers. While all mental health struggles are relevant and significant, let’s focus this Pride Month of June on the well-being of LGBTQ youth. Approximately one third of LGBTQ youth have seriously considered attempting suicide in the past 12 months. More than half of transgender and non-binary youth have seriously considered attempting suicide in the last 12 months. LGBTQ youth who have undergone conversion therapy, been pressured to change their sexual orientation or gender identity, or experienced physical harm or discrimination based on sexual orientation/gender identity have up to three times the rate of attempted suicide as LGBTQ youth who have been spared these experiences.

LGBTQ youth are most comfortable sharing their sexual orientation and gender identity with peers and least comfortable sharing with teachers, guidance counselors, and healthcare professionals. Straight friends and parents fall in the midrange. How can we encourage true expressions of identity and safety in reaching out for help? Casual comments are noticed by adolescents, even when they appear to be ignoring you or claim not to care about your opinions. Be mindful of how you speak about and treat others. If you are disparaging towards any group of people, that group may include your child or someone your child values. I have had many LGBTQ youth fearful of coming out to their parents based on comments the parents did not even recall – and these were accepting parents. If you are tempted to be a non-accepting or ridiculing parent – don't! Believe in your head all you want that “this is a phase” or others are unduly influencing your child but expressing these and similar beliefs to your child invalidates their experience, identity, and reality during a crucial developmental period.

People of all ages crave parental approval. Yes, even teenagers who scream, “I hate you,” and slam their doors. It is understandable to be confused or surprised by new information, but it is not acceptable to shame your child. If you as a parent are struggling, reach out to a qualified organization or mental health professional to guide you through your process. Some of the following resources may be helpful to adults: PFLAG at www.pflag.org ; GLSEN at www.glsen.org ; and HRC at www.hrc.org.

Suzanne Senn, M.S., LPC • Staff Therapist

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One of the most difficult aspects of parenting toddlers is knowing how to manage the behaviors they exhibit as they learn to communicate their feelings. For many parents, biting and hitting are at the top of that list. Read on for tips on what to do when your child bites or hits... Self-talk . Say to yourself, “I don’t like that they bit/hit and hurt someone else, but I can teach them other ways to express their feelings.” Empathy. Ask yourself, “Wouldn’t I have a hard time expressing myself when I’m mad or upset if I didn’t have the language to do that, or the ability to problem solve in non-aggressive ways? I know how my child feels!” Teach . Young children learn very early that their hands and teeth are powerful weapons that elicit an equally powerful reaction when used. However, this can cause lots of problems for you and your child. The key is to teach your child that biting and hitting hurt and there are other ways to express feelings without hurting others. Tell yourself, “I can teach my child how to respect others and use words to express feelings. I know it will take time and patience, but they can learn.” When your child bites or hits, provide a brief teaching statement, such as “No bite. Biting hurts” and give them a word or action within their skill abilities to replace the biting. For example, “You can say ‘no hug’ instead” or “you can walk away.” When you do this, you are teaching your child how his behavior affects others and what else they can do instead. Reinforce. Practice by setting your phone timer for 5 minutes (or longer or shorter, depending on how long you think your child can play with another child without your motivating praise) and say, “When you have played gently with Jack until the phone timer sounds, we can read your favorite book together. You are getting along so well.” Offering a reward as an incentive for self-control discourages conflict. Praise. When children (even siblings) are getting along, it’s important to praise their effort frequently. Simple statements, such as, “Good taking turns,” or “You are playing so nicely together,” reminds them of the goal of getting along vs. fighting. Teach compromise. When conflict arises, say, “Let’s find a way to let both of you play with that toy. I’ll use my phone timer to tell us when it’s your turn to play with it.” Your child can learn patience as they wait their turn, as well as problem solving and compromise—instead of biting or hitting. What not to do: Don’t hurt your child. Biting/hitting back and spanking are all behaviors you don’t want them to learn, so don’t use them. Don’t overreact. Getting upset when your child bites or hits keeps you from problem solving. Keep yourself calm by using calming self-talk. Say to yourself, “This is a problem we can solve. I just need to stay calm to do it.” Don’t threaten. Threatening your child creates fear but doesn’t teach the behavior you want. Instead, simply say, “Let’s work on ways you can get what you want without hurting someone.” Source: Behavior Checker from the Raised with Love and Limits Foundation
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