One of the most difficult aspects of parenting toddlers is knowing how to manage the behaviors they exhibit as they learn to communicate their feelings. For many parents, biting and hitting are at the top of that list. Read on for tips on what to do when your child bites or hits... Self-talk . Say to yourself, “I don’t like that they bit/hit and hurt someone else, but I can teach them other ways to express their feelings.” Empathy. Ask yourself, “Wouldn’t I have a hard time expressing myself when I’m mad or upset if I didn’t have the language to do that, or the ability to problem solve in non-aggressive ways? I know how my child feels!” Teach . Young children learn very early that their hands and teeth are powerful weapons that elicit an equally powerful reaction when used. However, this can cause lots of problems for you and your child. The key is to teach your child that biting and hitting hurt and there are other ways to express feelings without hurting others. Tell yourself, “I can teach my child how to respect others and use words to express feelings. I know it will take time and patience, but they can learn.” When your child bites or hits, provide a brief teaching statement, such as “No bite. Biting hurts” and give them a word or action within their skill abilities to replace the biting. For example, “You can say ‘no hug’ instead” or “you can walk away.” When you do this, you are teaching your child how his behavior affects others and what else they can do instead. Reinforce. Practice by setting your phone timer for 5 minutes (or longer or shorter, depending on how long you think your child can play with another child without your motivating praise) and say, “When you have played gently with Jack until the phone timer sounds, we can read your favorite book together. You are getting along so well.” Offering a reward as an incentive for self-control discourages conflict. Praise. When children (even siblings) are getting along, it’s important to praise their effort frequently. Simple statements, such as, “Good taking turns,” or “You are playing so nicely together,” reminds them of the goal of getting along vs. fighting. Teach compromise. When conflict arises, say, “Let’s find a way to let both of you play with that toy. I’ll use my phone timer to tell us when it’s your turn to play with it.” Your child can learn patience as they wait their turn, as well as problem solving and compromise—instead of biting or hitting. What not to do: Don’t hurt your child. Biting/hitting back and spanking are all behaviors you don’t want them to learn, so don’t use them. Don’t overreact. Getting upset when your child bites or hits keeps you from problem solving. Keep yourself calm by using calming self-talk. Say to yourself, “This is a problem we can solve. I just need to stay calm to do it.” Don’t threaten. Threatening your child creates fear but doesn’t teach the behavior you want. Instead, simply say, “Let’s work on ways you can get what you want without hurting someone.” Source: Behavior Checker from the Raised with Love and Limits Foundation
See below for some quick tips to make your instructions as powerful as possible!
Recently, many parents have asked me how to know if their young child is ready for potty training. While this is unique to every child, keep reading for a few important questions to ask yourself before jumping in.
As we prepare to celebrate Valentine’s Day, check out this month’s quick tip to share the love with your children and let them know how much you appreciate what they do! As you go about your day, talk to your child’s stuffed animals or other family members about all of the wonderful things they do. While praising your child directly - such as, “you did a great job staying calm” - is always beneficial, speaking positively about them to others can be equally powerful. As you are helping them get ready in the morning, you could say “wow, I am so proud of Alex for starting to brush his teeth all by himself!” While supervising your children playing, you could say “Olivia and Emma are such thoughtful sisters. I love watching them problem-solve and work together!” As you and your partner prepare for the bedtime routine, you can playfully “fight over” who gets to put your child to bed. For example, “I want to do it!” and “I also want to do it - I just love spending time together!” The words your child hears you speak about them to others can become part of their internal monologue. Make the most of the little moments and share the love with everyone (and everything) around you!
One of the most under-utilized parenting strategies for young children is behavior modeling. So often, we are focused on teaching academic skills and forget that we must also expressly model the behaviors we want our kids to emulate.
Parents spend weeks thoughtfully collecting gifts and checking items off each child’s wish list, eager to see excited reactions. However, the magic of the season can be interrupted by claims like “that’s not fair” and “he got more than me!” as children navigate jealousy over their sibling’s presents.
As we enter the holiday season, parents often ask how to foster gratitude in their children. We want our children to be appreciative and not take things for granted, as learning to be grateful can improve their relationships, ability to empathize, and overall happiness. However, this can be easier said than done.
October is ADHD Awareness Month! Learn about the importance of early ADHD assessments, executive function skill-building, and how understanding and supporting individuals with ADHD can make a difference.
As hard as it is to imagine with temperatures still so high, the holiday season is upon us! Starting with Halloween this month, we are entering a truly wonderful season with our little ones.
While starting another school year can be exciting, the transition comes with lots of feelings for our little ones. These big emotions can be daunting and even scary for adults to manage. We want to know how to respond in a way that helps them overcome those back-to-school jitters and enter the year feeling confident and enthusiastic. Read on for some simple tips to make this happen! 1. Plan ahead Before meeting the teacher, the first day of school, and any other milestones, talk with your child about what to expect. For children who have attended daycare or school before, talk about what will be the same as last year and what will be different. Help them to remember that, while many things will be different, many things will be familiar, too! When possible, tour or look at pictures of the school, classroom, teacher, and any friends that will be in the new class. 2. Listen Offer a non-judgmental space for your child to express their nerves, concerns, and hopes for these next few weeks. Try not to jump in too quickly by saying things like “don’t worry about that” or “stop it, it will be great!” While such statements come from a good place, they can feel dismissive to your child. Instead, work to validate their feelings and address their concerns together. 3. Reflect One way to help guide your child through glass-half-empty statements such as, “I’m not going to have any friends in my class...it’s going to be the worst year ever!” is to play the “maybe game.” You could say, “That sounds really tough. I hear you; maybe that will happen...OR...maybe you will find a new friend and really like how your new teacher does things!” By validating their concerns, instead of dismissing them, you offer space for both things to be true at the same time. 4. Re-frame Help your child to re-frame their worries as reflections of the care you have for each other and the trust that you will be there for them at the end of the day- no matter what. For example, if you think your little one might cry at drop off, you could say, “It’s okay to cry and miss me at school after I leave. I will miss you too! That is because we love each other. I will be there to pick you up and can’t wait to hear all about your day. What toy do you think you will play with first?” 5. Empower Remember – your child is looking to you to gauge if they should be worried. Work to communicate confidence, instill bravery, and let them know that you know they can do it. If your little one thinks you are scared, they will have a much harder time pushing through. A brave parent is the most helpful way to ensure a brave child! Katherine Cohn, PhD Licensed Child Clinical Psychologist Licensed Specialist in School Psychology