Blog Post

Bored.

July 19, 2019

“Come home when the streetlights come on.” Wasn’t that all our cue for the end of our summer day? I remember summers of sleeping in, eating cinnamon rolls for breakfast and then my mom shoving me out the door. We ran the neighborhood, going in and out of friends’ backyards, the thrill of hearing the chimes of the ice cream truck rounding the corner of your street and running inside for loose change before you miss him so you can get a sweet treat, seeing how many mud pies we could make or whose mom could stand us the longest running wild in their pool. We hear of the “good old days” when times were simpler, and less ridden with social media hashtags and retweets of #planningtheperfectvacay, #busymomlife, #thisisourcrazylife, #todolists, but I’m not talking about Back to the Future here, I’m talking as recently as the 1990s. It just seemed that summers were slower and more often filled with……well, nothing. (Of course, that was the 90’s when “the show about nothing” was at its heyday so maybe I’m seeing a pattern here). I can’t remember a single friend of mine growing up who had more than maybe 1 week of vacation and 1 week of camp on their summer “to do list.” Today’s kids seem like every waking second is filled with camp, basketball, playdates, reading lessons, music lessons, daily swimming practices, meets, or a baseball game. I wish I could tell you I wasn’t one of “those” parents, but sadly, I am. I am guilty of trying to cram every second of summer with one activity after the other. I even come up with themed activities and always over-plan and by the end of the day I discover I’ve had no fun at all with my kids because I was rushing us to the next “fun” activity.

“You will have fun, or I’ll make you have fun” …am I right? *sigh*. It’s like a summer treadmill that I’ve created for myself and I can’t get off. But there is much to be said for us all taking a breath and letting our kids be “bored.”. Child psychologist and mother of two, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe published an article on huffpost.com that was really freeing to me. She discussed that she actually loved hearing her children say they were bored, that she told them, “Good! Go be bored for a while.” This “bored” time allowed her children to listen to their own thoughts, use their imagination and daydream and to simply just breathe. Can you imagine the freedom if you just gave yourself permission to do NOTHING for just 15 minutes a day?! I mean NOTHING…no thoughts of laundry or “to-dos” or grocery lists, just sitting with yourself. Just imagine that for a minute; its freeing isn’t it? Could it be that we are robbing our kids of that? Could it be that by creating schedules where every waking second is accounted for, that we are teaching them that it’s not ok to just be free for a few minutes? I know I sure miss those simple days of looking for the streetlights to come on and going to sleep that night with only one thing on my to do list the next day: play until the streetlights come on once again. I know we all live busy lives; hey, I’m there with you and if you’re anything like me, you love a good to do list. Very few things I find as satisfying as marking off something from my to do list. For my little guys, though, perhaps I can teach them a better balance. Perhaps I can let them choose 2 things to be involved with this summer, not 12. I think it would be freeing for them and for me. Perhaps it’s something we all should try, summer’s not over yet, you know.

Written by Kayce Clark

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One of the most difficult aspects of parenting toddlers is knowing how to manage the behaviors they exhibit as they learn to communicate their feelings. For many parents, biting and hitting are at the top of that list. Read on for tips on what to do when your child bites or hits... Self-talk . Say to yourself, “I don’t like that they bit/hit and hurt someone else, but I can teach them other ways to express their feelings.” Empathy. Ask yourself, “Wouldn’t I have a hard time expressing myself when I’m mad or upset if I didn’t have the language to do that, or the ability to problem solve in non-aggressive ways? I know how my child feels!” Teach . Young children learn very early that their hands and teeth are powerful weapons that elicit an equally powerful reaction when used. However, this can cause lots of problems for you and your child. The key is to teach your child that biting and hitting hurt and there are other ways to express feelings without hurting others. Tell yourself, “I can teach my child how to respect others and use words to express feelings. I know it will take time and patience, but they can learn.” When your child bites or hits, provide a brief teaching statement, such as “No bite. Biting hurts” and give them a word or action within their skill abilities to replace the biting. For example, “You can say ‘no hug’ instead” or “you can walk away.” When you do this, you are teaching your child how his behavior affects others and what else they can do instead. Reinforce. Practice by setting your phone timer for 5 minutes (or longer or shorter, depending on how long you think your child can play with another child without your motivating praise) and say, “When you have played gently with Jack until the phone timer sounds, we can read your favorite book together. You are getting along so well.” Offering a reward as an incentive for self-control discourages conflict. Praise. When children (even siblings) are getting along, it’s important to praise their effort frequently. Simple statements, such as, “Good taking turns,” or “You are playing so nicely together,” reminds them of the goal of getting along vs. fighting. Teach compromise. When conflict arises, say, “Let’s find a way to let both of you play with that toy. I’ll use my phone timer to tell us when it’s your turn to play with it.” Your child can learn patience as they wait their turn, as well as problem solving and compromise—instead of biting or hitting. What not to do: Don’t hurt your child. Biting/hitting back and spanking are all behaviors you don’t want them to learn, so don’t use them. Don’t overreact. Getting upset when your child bites or hits keeps you from problem solving. Keep yourself calm by using calming self-talk. Say to yourself, “This is a problem we can solve. I just need to stay calm to do it.” Don’t threaten. Threatening your child creates fear but doesn’t teach the behavior you want. Instead, simply say, “Let’s work on ways you can get what you want without hurting someone.” Source: Behavior Checker from the Raised with Love and Limits Foundation
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