One of the most under-utilized parenting strategies for young children is behavior modeling. So often, we are focused on teaching academic skills and forget that we must also expressly model the behaviors we want our kids to emulate.
Parents spend weeks thoughtfully collecting gifts and checking items off each child’s wish list, eager to see excited reactions. However, the magic of the season can be interrupted by claims like “that’s not fair” and “he got more than me!” as children navigate jealousy over their sibling’s presents.
As we enter the holiday season, parents often ask how to foster gratitude in their children. We want our children to be appreciative and not take things for granted, as learning to be grateful can improve their relationships, ability to empathize, and overall happiness. However, this can be easier said than done.
As hard as it is to imagine with temperatures still so high, the holiday season is upon us! Starting with Halloween this month, we are entering a truly wonderful season with our little ones.
While starting another school year can be exciting, the transition comes with lots of feelings for our little ones. These big emotions can be daunting and even scary for adults to manage. We want to know how to respond in a way that helps them overcome those back-to-school jitters and enter the year feeling confident and enthusiastic. Read on for some simple tips to make this happen! 1. Plan ahead Before meeting the teacher, the first day of school, and any other milestones, talk with your child about what to expect. For children who have attended daycare or school before, talk about what will be the same as last year and what will be different. Help them to remember that, while many things will be different, many things will be familiar, too! When possible, tour or look at pictures of the school, classroom, teacher, and any friends that will be in the new class. 2. Listen Offer a non-judgmental space for your child to express their nerves, concerns, and hopes for these next few weeks. Try not to jump in too quickly by saying things like “don’t worry about that” or “stop it, it will be great!” While such statements come from a good place, they can feel dismissive to your child. Instead, work to validate their feelings and address their concerns together. 3. Reflect One way to help guide your child through glass-half-empty statements such as, “I’m not going to have any friends in my class...it’s going to be the worst year ever!” is to play the “maybe game.” You could say, “That sounds really tough. I hear you; maybe that will happen...OR...maybe you will find a new friend and really like how your new teacher does things!” By validating their concerns, instead of dismissing them, you offer space for both things to be true at the same time. 4. Re-frame Help your child to re-frame their worries as reflections of the care you have for each other and the trust that you will be there for them at the end of the day- no matter what. For example, if you think your little one might cry at drop off, you could say, “It’s okay to cry and miss me at school after I leave. I will miss you too! That is because we love each other. I will be there to pick you up and can’t wait to hear all about your day. What toy do you think you will play with first?” 5. Empower Remember – your child is looking to you to gauge if they should be worried. Work to communicate confidence, instill bravery, and let them know that you know they can do it. If your little one thinks you are scared, they will have a much harder time pushing through. A brave parent is the most helpful way to ensure a brave child! Katherine Cohn, PhD Licensed Child Clinical Psychologist Licensed Specialist in School Psychology
As our summer begins and you prepare to send your kid to college, this transition is both exciting and daunting, filled with opportunities and challenges. To ensure a smooth transition and to support your child effectively, it's important to be aware of common mistakes and learn how to avoid them. Here are some common pitfalls and tips to help you navigate this journey with confidence. Underestimating College Challenges Many parents underestimate the range of challenges their children will face in college, assuming that academic issues will be their primary concern. However, college students encounter a variety of challenges, including social adjustments, mental health struggles like anxiety and depression, and time management issues. Being informed about these potential hurdles can help you better support your child as they navigate this new environment. Ineffective Communication and Not Allowing Kids to Fail It's easy to fall into patterns of either over-communicating or under-communicating with your college student, both of which can create tension and misunderstandings. Striking a balance is crucial. Make sure to maintain open lines of communication that encourage your child to share their experiences and feelings without feeling overwhelmed or pressured. At the same time, it's natural to want to protect your child from failure but shielding them from every mistake can prevent them from learning valuable life lessons. Allow your child to experience challenges and figure out solutions on their own. This helps build resilience and problem-solving skills. Avoid texting or calling them all the time; show them that you trust them to handle their own issues. This trust is crucial for their confidence and independence. Ignoring Available Resources Parents often overlook the numerous resources available to college students, which can provide crucial support. Colleges offer a wide range of services, including academic support, mental health resources, and student organizations. Familiarize yourself with these resources so you can guide your child to the help they need when they encounter difficulties. Over-Involvement or Under-Involvement Finding the right balance between being involved and allowing your child to grow independently can be challenging. Too much involvement can hinder their development, while too little can leave them feeling unsupported. Provide guidance and support, but also encourage your child to make their own decisions and learn from their experiences. Not Recognizing Their Adulthood It's important to remember that your child is now an adult. They need to learn to advocate for themselves. Schools, clinics, and other institutions are not obligated to communicate with you anymore unless your child gives explicit permission. Encourage your child to come to you when they need help, but don't always step in to figure things out for them. Allow them the space to handle their own issues and come to you for guidance when necessary. Supporting Students with ADHD, ADD, Anxiety, Depression, or Learning Plans For students with ADHD, ADD, anxiety, depression, or learning plans, the transition to college can be particularly challenging. Ensure that all necessary accommodations and support services are set up before they start college. Encourage your child to familiarize themselves with available mental health resources on campus, such as counseling services. Discuss the importance of seeking help when they feel overwhelmed and make sure they know where to go for support. Teach your child how to advocate for themselves in academic and mental health settings, empowering them to take charge of their own needs. For help with this and other parenting concerns, we are here to support you as you prepare your child. Join Our Parent Workshop Series! Prepare to support your college-bound child with confidence. Our workshop series will help you understand the challenges they face, teach effective communication strategies, and introduce you to essential resources. Learn how to balance guidance with independence, ensuring your child succeeds both academically and personally. Don’t miss this chance to empower your child's college journey and strengthen your relationship! When: Wednesdays, 5:30-7pm Cost: $260 for a 4-week session Facilitator: Dr. Jeanie McCusker, LPC, CSC, Certified College Access Counselor Location: 2700 Research Forest Dr. #130, The Woodlands, Texas 77381 New Clients: Please call 281-528-4226 to schedule a complimentary consultation to see if our group would be a good fit. Current Clients: Use the QR code to register. Sending your child off to college is a significant milestone. By avoiding these common mistakes and learning how to support them effectively, you can help ensure their success and well-being during this transformative time. Join our workshop series to equip yourself with the tools and knowledge needed to navigate this journey with confidence. We specialize in supporting students with ADHD, ADD, anxiety, and depression through individual, family, and group therapy. Our experienced counselors provide comprehensive assessments and personalized therapy plans to help your child succeed in their college journey.
Tantrums, hitting, and whining are some of the most common issues that parents share with me in my role as an early childhood psychologist. These challenging behaviors often force us to dig deep into an already-depleted well of patience, leading to an exasperating cycle of “let’s see if this works!” over and over again. What if I told you that there is a miraculous way to greatly reduce these behaviors and shift the tone in your home, for only 10 minutes a day? Enter Special Time! Special Time involves spending about 10 minutes per day purposefully playing with your child in a one-on-one setting. During these few minutes, your child has your undivided attention — no phone, no chores, no work, no siblings. You may be thinking, “But I spend all day with my kids…how much more could they possibly need?” The mindset shift to keep in mind is quality over quantity. While we may spend lots of time together through the hustle and bustle of the daily routine, our children often don’t receive the direct attention they crave. The goal is to fill each child’s “cup” with positive attention each day through Special Time, greatly reducing their need to misbehave in order to get more. Special Time should occur every day for about 10 minutes. During this time, your goal is to follow your child’s lead and allow them to be the star. Choose activities that allow for close interaction and joint play, especially those that don’t have many pre-determined rules. Great choices include blocks, trains, cars, dolls, coloring, and any other activities that allow for creativity and imagination. Your primary job during Special Time is to notice what your child is doing and act like a sportscaster by narrating what you see. For example, “You have the red car and the blue car on the track,” or “The animals are sleeping inside the barn.” If you are unsure what to say, just take a guess—your child will correct you if you are wrong, and that is exactly what we want. This is their opportunity to take the lead in an age-appropriate setting…play! This also means that there is zero criticism and no correcting during Special Time. This is child-directed play, not teaching. Your child is likely to love Special Time, which means that wrapping up can be a bit challenging. For a smoother transition once the 10 minutes are up, be sure to give multiple warnings so they know what to expect. When having Special Time with my own child, I prefer to set an alarm on my phone to let me know when to give the transitional warning. This way, I remain present during the play and avoid checking the clock. When your child asks for more Special Time, remind them that you are all done for today, but they will have another 10 minutes tomorrow. While it is best to avoid dropping everything and commencing the 10 minutes any time your child starts to unravel, Special Time can be especially helpful as a “re-set” on challenging days. It should ideally be a routine occurrence that your child can count on, and not taken away as a punishment for misbehavior. Even if you only have 5 minutes, need to do Special Time in the bathtub after soccer practice, or make it work by drawing in the carpool line…every bit matters! While Special Time is not a magic solution for challenging behaviors…it just might feel like one. So sit back, relax, and play!
Have you ever found yourself watching your child or grandchild’s behavior and thinking, “how in the world am I supposed to handle this?” ...if so, you are not alone! With so much advice floating around, many caregivers find themselves facing decision paralysis – fearful of making a wrong move and mishandling a situation. The good news is that there is a simple, research-based mindset shift that can help to guide us in the right direction: Shine Your Spotlight! The behaviors of young children are ever-changing. One minute, they might whine, complain, and tantrum – even though they are wonderful helpers and good listeners just a short time later. Instead of getting stuck focusing on the unhelpful behaviors, first think about what you can do to increase good behavior. The most powerful way to do this is by shining your spotlight on the child when they are behaving well. When you shine your spotlight, you are providing lots of positive attention and letting the child know that you notice them. Praise is one of the most powerful ways to let children know that you enjoy their helpful behaviors. Positive attention is also an important way to help children feel good about themselves. Praise sends an important message to children, so it is essential that you say something specific like, “Thank you for helping me,” or “I love that you’re playing so quietly,” or “Great job sharing with your brother.” The child will need to hear these words often in order to know you’re attending to them. Specific praise should also include non-verbal communication too (hugs, hi-fives, fist bumps, back rubs). Remember to praise frequently! When children do not get enough positive attention for behaving appropriately, they learn that the best way to get attention is to misbehave. This might mean that you are having to manage more interrupting, yelling, whining, complaining, and arguing during the day. Children may also behave this way when they are upset, stressed, or just not getting their way. When caregivers respond to displeasing behavior with a brief period of ignoring- turning off the spotlight- they signal to children that they must behave appropriately in order to get attention. It is important to remove both verbal and non-verbal attention during these moments. Also, remember to return your bright spotlight with lots of praise as soon as the child is back to engaging in an appropriate behavior. Give this strategy a try and help the children in your life learn which behaviors make them shine! Katherine Cohn, PhD Licensed Clinical Child Psychologist Licensed Specialist in School Psychology