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5 Tips For Coping With Stress During The Holidays

November 29, 2018


  1. In-laws: If you get along with your in-laws, this should be a part of the holiday season you are looking forward to. However, if you don’t have a “picture-perfect” relationship with your beloved spouse’s family (or even if you do), sometimes in-laws add an extra layer of stress to the holidays (unintentionally--of course!). Remember that creating new traditions, blending traditions, or abandoning old traditions that don’t quite fit with your new family dynamic can be hard on all of us. Things to remember during this time:

    No one is a mind reader.
    You must be able to effectively communicate what you need and what is important to you. To do this, speak from your own experience and what you’re feeling, rather than blaming or being accusatory. I have often heard, when in-laws come to town, parents can feel undermined as a parent. It can sometimes be difficult navigating different roles or family dynamics that are changing (for example: a mother visiting her adult son, new daughter-in-law and new grandbaby, and grandma may have a very “overpowering” presence in her opinions on how she feels you should parent or treat her son, but if you practice effective and respectful communication, they are usually much more receptive ).

    If, in their minds, they are trying to do something fun for the holiday season (i.e., giving candy right before dinner), let them know how you feel in a way they can hear (i.e. when you disregard what I’ve asked my children to do, it makes me feel unimportant as their parent) and in-laws can be more receptive, because they will not feel as blamed and will understand why that is upsetting to you. Remember, this requires everyone to be flexible and understanding, as both parties will be making compromises.


  2. Traveling with family: Traveling is hard! For everyone, but especially for little ones. If you plan to travel this holiday season, BE PREPARED . Know that your little one is going to get upset because sitting down staring at a blank empty seat is difficult for all of us.

    Make sure you pack enough things for them to do, but make sure it is things they like (this doesn’t necessarily mean an iPad!) Coloring books, reading books, word searches, sudoku, a small Lego set with a carrying case that is easily packable to travel between terminal(s) and gate(s) or card games are great things to bring. However, you know your child best. Find something that can keep their attention.

    Also, if you do plan to travel, find a time that works best for your child. If it is usually when they nap or really in the morning when they are still asleep and are good sleepers , a flight around that time to ensure they sleep might be an option. Although, this can backfire. If it does, two things will happen. One, you’ll know for next time. And two, others are forgiving, and we have all been there. Give yourself a break and know that almost everyone on that flight understands your exact position traveling with an upset baby. There is only so much we can do!

    Pack enough snacks for the plane to ensure that they will not get HANGRY on the plane. This will also keep costs down, so you will avoid having to purchase multiple snacks for your entire family after you pass through security or in the air (as they tend to be much pricier than their worth). Do not plan on packing liquids that will pass through airport security if you are traveling via air, or you will have a sad child if you have to throw away all of your packed beverages. Kiosks always have beverages available after you go through security. If you are driving somewhere, disregard this statement and pack PLENTY of waters!


  3. Self-care: NEVER let your self-care plan fall to the bottom, or worse, off the list. Time feels shorter during the holidays and there never seems to be enough of it to get it all done. However, the airplane oxygen mask analogy fits here perfectly; Place your own oxygen mask on before assisting others, meaning: if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you can’t take care of others. It doesn’t matter how good the brownies are, if you aren’t there to watch and enjoy, they might as well not be there at all. Continue taking care of yourself during the season, remember your breathing techniques, exercise regimen, and show yourself some grace if it doesn’t all get done.


  4. Social media craze: Don’t buy into the hype of social media. While everyone else’s holidays look perfect and happy, we never know how many hands were there to help decorate and set up. We don’t know the argument that happened right before or right after the picture was taken. For all we know, cousin Derek might have forgotten to defrost the turkey in time, while Aunt Cindy forgot to buy salad dressing for the salad, and no one put the Christmas sweater on the dog in time for photos, so he jumped in the lake while trying to escape from uncle Jim trying to chase him around the lawn with that sweater, and Fido will NOT be included in the photos this year. C’est La Vie ! We all put on best foot forward on social media (and attempt at life). Dare to challenge those pictures and remember, no one is perfect--nor is any holiday!


  5. Reason for the season: Remember why we are all together celebrating the holiday. Never forget what a privilege it is to be close to the ones you love. There are so many people who can not be with the ones they love, some have passed, some are deployed, or some are in hospitals, etc. Remember how lucky we are to be with one another on this holiday season, even if they do drive us a little crazy!


Lindsay McCarthy, LMFT-Associate, LCDC-Intern

Sarah Patterson, Intensive Treatment Program Manager

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